Thanks-giving!!

I am researching for a paper/presentation! Blah. Don't.like.research. But thankful for friends, family, and the opportunity to be a student. I wish I could go home to my family. I want the warmth that is my mom's house, the laughter of my sisters, and cuddling with my adorable neice and nephew. But for whatever reason, God has me here this year....and I CHOOSE to be thankful.

As MID-terms lOOm....

.....all I wanna do is anything but study!!

I'd rather...
1. Surf the web
2. Look @ pictures
3. Take a nap
4. Go to the beach
5. Make pumpkin bread
6. Eat said pumpkin bread
7. Talk on the phone
8. Watch TV
9. Facebook
10. Shop

I'd rather do these things because...... a). I don't know where to start with all the info and b). I just don't feel like studying....

But I'm called to be a student right now....so study I will attempt to do.

Today

today was hard, but God is good! i opened up to my counselor about some of my struggles today. i was honest. it was raw. it was ugly. but she didn't look at me like i was a terrible person. she smiled and said "i appreciate your honesty". sometimes it's just cathartic to have my feelings validated. to know they matter. to not feel alone in my pain. to leave my problems with someone who isn't suposed to judge me no matter what. to have an hour that i can just talk about me and my problems. and i love that i will get to do this for other people as a career. this makes me happy.

i told her that i felt weak, but the funny thing is tonight i feel stronger for having been vulnerable and faced the hard stuff head on. i've asked God for peace of mind and strength in the past week and He's given me that. do i still feel a void? absolutely. do i have hope that i am getting better. YES I DO!! i was encouraged today that i looked different and i definately feel different tonight. will i still struggle. most definately. and that's ok. it's in the struggle i realize where i do have strenghts and i can appreciate how far i've come.

thank you Jesus for struggle and for not always giving me what I want. thank you for knowing best and for picking up the pieces of me when i fall.

emOtiOns....

my emotions are all over the place right now. i'm so happy for my best friend who just announced her engagement. she's getting married and i'm overjoyed that we get to plan a wedding. but then i'm sad because we live so far apart and we can't be there to plan this event she's been waiting her whole life to plan. i'm overwhelmed and stressed thinking of all the school work i need to do. and then i have my own personal demons i'm fighting. GOD is way bigger than my feelings. in fact i can't rely on my emotions. they change every day. i choose to believe what GOD says about me today. i refuse to trust my feelings. i validate them, yes, but i do NOT put stock in them. i put my faith and trust in YOU JESUS!! you are unfailing.

Ugggghhh!!

So I'm still here. I haven't vanished. I'm in the thickness of the semester. Starting to feel stressed out. Have alot on my mind. Wish I was stronger sometimes. There are things I want. There are things I need. God says "trust me". But I feel just a strong a pull in the opposite direction.

I'm definately up waaaay toooo late right now. Tomorrow is a really big day. Maybe bigger than I realize. Ok I'm being dramatic. But I work 9-1 and then have class from 2-9 and a test in the one class. I feel streeeessed.

P.S. Look for a blawg about hope coming to a blogspot near you.....

It feels like Fall...

..........and that makes me happy!!

Other things that make me happy today:

-The familiarity of going to class with my friends

-Having fun with friends AFTER class today

-Texting my best friend

-Looking forward to dinner with a friend tomorrow

-Excited about my sister coming in town this weekend

-Studying and Learning about things that will have an impact on other people's lives

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f r i e n d.......

"a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard"

"a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts"

"a person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade"

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New Things.....

I love new things. New purses. New clothes. New Journals. New Shoes. Ok not so much new shoes, but only because I don't like breaking them in.

A NEW BLOG!! I've been wanting to start one for awhile now and finally took the plunge. So here it is.....

But what I love more than anything are NEW BEGINNINGS!! I love a fresh start. A new year. A brand new semester. I just started one of those again this week. It's my second year of graduate school which is also exciting. I've always loved the start of a new year or semester of school. Call me weird, but I've always enjoyed the excitement of going to a new class. Seeing who all is in class. I love school shopping. Getting new books, notebooks, pens, hilighters, backpacks, etc. There's always an excitement in the air.

Something new always insinuates a blank page for me with no mistakes made. A fresh, new opportunity for good things to happen.

Proverbs 43:19, NLT says

"For I am about to do something new! See I have already begun. Do you not see it?"

I came across this verse recently again and it has really spoken to my heart. I have been struggling in some areas over the past several months. I have made some less than wise choices that have led me to my current state. I have felt God's love and grace so much through friends and I am working on getting back to where I want to be. I love that God wants to do something new in me and I am excited to see where that will take me and what new things I can experience in Him.

Create in me a clean heart oh God, and restore a right spirit within me.