*Courage*

Courage is defined as "bravery, fortitude, and intrepidity. It's the ability to fight fear, pain, risk/danger, uncertainty, or intimidation.

I picked up a book last night to read and found this quote. I love it. The symptoms and the illness are not the same thing. The illness exists long before the symptoms. Rather than being the illness, the symptoms are the beginning of its cures. The fact that they are unwanted makes them all the more a phenomenon of grace -- a gift of God, a message from the unconscious, if you will, to initiate self-examination and repair." ~ M. Scott Peck.

It takes courage to make changes. It takes courage to be vulnerable. It takes courage to cry in the middle of Panera. It takes courage to admit you don't have it all together. It takes courage to be real in front of people and not care what they think. It takes courage to be a freaking hot mess and be okay with your mess. I'm tired of being afraid of everything.....of not being free. I'm grateful to have met more than a handful of friends who I can be real with. Who love me enough to be honest with me. Who value me. Who are ok with and can sit with me in my junk. I feel loved. That gives me courage.

The truth HURTS

I am so blessed for friends who love me enough to show me things about myself that hurt. Things that are hard to hear. Things that God's been speaking to my heart, but I've been stuffing. I'm good at stuffing. Sometimes I can't process what's going on inside me. Sometimes I don't want to. I'm sick of shattered dreams. I'm tired of trying to do everything myself. I want to let God take control, but that means I have to release control. I don't know if I can do that. I can, but I don't know how. Is all. I'm exhausted. I need sleep. God, show me what you put inside me. Show me how I can be a better friend and counselor. Show me how to love like you do. Show me your heart. Break my heart with what breaks yours.

An unexpected day off leads to.....

1. Sleeping In cuz let's be real...I needed it!! It was so nice to sleep in TWO days in a row. Working grad students don't get to sleep in a whole lot so I enjoyed it.
2. A walk out side on a GORGEOUS spring day...followed by an attempt to lift weights in front of the TV...pah hah. But it felt good to make an attempt so yeah...
3. Extra coffee and Jesus time....cause that's a good start to the day.
4. And some much needed time to work on my Community program thing-a-ma-jig!! Let's face it...I've been procrastinating.

This week was tough. Friends who are very dear to me were going through a tough time and I couldn't be there. Part of me feels like a bad friend for putting school obligations first, but I didn't feel like I had a choice. It was hard. So hence the unexpected two days off of work because my boss so graciously cleared my schedule at work and I decided to use them for some self-care and I'm SO GLAD I did.

A cute story about my neice from my mom. So, I call her my love muffin and she's 3 so I didn't think she noticed. But her mom said you're my love muffin and she said emphatically you can't call me love muffin, I'm aunt Lauri's love muffin. It melted my heart.

T-R-U-S-T --- it's such a short word but it has such big meanings. It takes awhile for someone to earn your trust. It can be shattered in an instant. It will take even longer if ever for it to be earned again. I'm trying to trust God with my life, love, my needs, my desires....my heart! It's not easy.

Spring Break Randomness....

WARNING: This blog contains very random thoughts -- this may be offensive to some people. Enter at your own risk.

I'm bored with my hair. I want something different. I've enjoyed growing it out, but miss my short hair sometimes.....it's flirty and fun. But I don't want to cut it off. Just want a funn-er version of what I got!

Spring Break is such a nice respite from the daily grind of going to school AND work. I did not go anywhere this spring break as I just wanted to stay home, get some things done, hang out with some friends, and R-E-L-A-X!! I think I've accomplished that!!

What I've done so far on Spring Break:

-- Saturday night: I went out with some girls from work.

--Sunday went to lunch with a friend, went grocery shopping with her and then relaxed.

--Monday I got to participate in Old Dominion University's physical therapy class's practicals. They needed amputees to evaluate. It was a neat-o experience and I made a new friend who's a below knee amputee. Spent the day shopping which I rarely get to do. I was excited to find a fun piece to put in my living room when I re-decorate it.

--Tuesday I had my first internship interview where I got offered a position but not sure I want to take it. It's my back-up plan. My physical therapist took me to meet another girl in the area who is an above knee amputee. She was so fun. I'm so excited about hanging out with my new friends. Met with girls from class to work on a project @ PANERA, got a massage, and finished the day by watching Avatar in 3D in my jammies with a blanket -- and YES I was in the theater. It was superb!!!!!

-- Wednesday!! Today is my favorite day of all because I am going nowhere! Stayed in bed until noon. Drinking coffee and curled up on my chair with nothing to do on this rainy day but relax and watch movies. Tonight going to hang out with my friend. We are going to gossip about boys (ahem!), eat pancakes, and knit. I can't wait!!!!!!

Then it's back to work for the rest of the week. Going to see "Vagina Monologues" this weekend!

I want to re-decorate my living room. Got to get my couch moved into this room 1st -- that should be fun.

I miss my family. I feel like I don't talk to them very much anymore. We are all busy I know. And the older get I dislike talking on the phone more. I am turning into my mother.

If you're still reading....have a fabulous rainy Wednesday. I'm going to go watch a movie BECAUSE I CAN!!! Told ya this was random. But these are [some of] my thoughts!!