the Nicaragua trip that is. such a hard decision but the best one i can make right now. it wouldn't be in my best interest to be recovering from major surgery and going to meetings, raising money, etc for a trip and then spending all that money and being on crutches and not fully enjoying it. with the surgery, many more trips will be available to me and with better mobility.
and although i haven't fully decided in the surgery, i am definitely leaning in that direction. i met with an amputee friend today for lunch who i met last year at an amputee clinic. she's been through so much and has had 20 surgeries in 2 years. she had Dr. Glickman who is going to be doing this surgery and she said he is the best. she said that he wouldn't go ahead with the surgery if he did not truly feel he could accomplish what he is saying he can accomplish. she said he is compassionate and truly cares about his patients. this definitely gives me a sense of peace to know that 1). i am in good hands and 2). he wouldn't claim he could improve my quality of life with this surgery if he couldn't. and like i said before i respect the fact that he wants me to meet with a therapist to really make sure it's what i want to do. so i meet with her april 18th and i'm really looking forward to getting the ball rolling so to speak.
so i feel relieved to have made one decision even though it was hard to say no to it. my friend reminded me that although i try to be, i am not superwoman. sometimes i try to be. i wanna be a rock star (not literally). i just want to do things. make something of my life. do things. have fun. live my life. FULLY. this surgery will make me better able to do that.
and i am amazed at how God carries me every step of the week. i am scared yet feel protected. alone yet i feel supported by my friends. uncertain yet sure of so many things. i don't know what the future holds, yet i have faith for good things. sometimes i have to let go of my plans of what i want in order to get something better. i feel like i've let go/am letting go of so many things that were my plans, my dreams. i'm anticipating what God has that is even better.